Spreading Kindness

If you’re here reading this, you are a person who wants to be kind! So let’s look at a few issues that keep people from showing kindness. Then can you look into your own heart and identify what might be impacting you the most.

Busy, Rushed and Tired:

Most of us have very little margin in our lives to deal with anything outside the task we need to complete . We rush through the grocery store without looking anyone in the eyes including the cashier, lest they take any of our time. We see a need on the side of the road, but that appointment we have just can’t wait. After a long day, in the midst of a long commute, we have no patience for the person who wants to move into our lane ahead of us. We don’t know how to cut things out of our lives, only how to add them leaving us more busy, more tired, and less able to even recognize moments of needed kindness, let alone able to stop and offer it. Sometimes, our busyness even blinds us from the need of kindness around us!

Personal Needs:

Our world has become increasing “me” centered, and if we are going to work on showing kindness, we need to examine this devastating trend in our own hearts. A few questions I regularly ask myself:

~ What need is being threatened that kept you from being kind in that situation?

~ If fear of crime, scam, or safety, would there have been a way to show kindness in a safe way?

~ Did showing kindness threaten something I wanted for myself? Could I have given that up?

~ If being kind took away something I feel is my right, have I failed to recognize or value the rights of others?

Fear:

So many opportunities to show kindness are thwarted by fear.

~ Everyone fears rejection. If our attempts at kindness have been rejected in the past it may make it harder to offer kindness in the future.

~ We fear doing it wrong. We feel unsure what would best help someone, so we do nothing. We fear our kindness will be misused so we do nothing. We fear our idea is not what the person needs, so we do nothing. On all of the lists that I’ve read of how to help those who are grieving and those with chronic illnesses, the number one thing I see listed is this: “Don’t say ‘Let me know if I can help you.’ Instead, offer something - anything! Even if I don’t need it I will know you really cared."

~ We fear judgement. I’m sure you’ve noticed how quickly people online jump to judging even a kind comment on a post. It leaves us all walking around, either fearing judgment, or feeling defiant - neither of which leads to kindness.

~ We cave to peer pressure. You know those old Pay-it-forward’s in drive thru coffee places? Only the first person was showing kindness (maybe - tho sometimes it was just to make a personal show). The rest of the line caved to the peer pressure of keeping it going. If no one is doing it, we fear being the one that does. If everyone is doing it, we fear being the one that doesn’t.

Lack of Connectedness

Sadly, we are less connected with people than we have ever been before. Technology has removed the “face to face”. There are apps for everything we used to do in person. The Pandemic isolated us. Social media was supposed to keep us connected but it’s become more about “telling” about myself, then a place of friendly, kind interactions. In fact it’s now more a place of rudeness, bullying, and fighting over opinions.